J’étais comme une biche qui avait le cou serré par un lion, une proie qui ne pouvait plus rien pour sauver son destin. Je n’arrivais même plus a réagir, tout ce que je pouvais faire, c’était de fermer les yeux, de m’imaginer dans un autre lieu, a un autre moment avec quelqu’un d’autre. Je pensais a Greg, je pensais aussi a ma mère, je pensais a toutes sortes de choses qui n’avaient pas vraiment de sens en ce moment dans ma tête. Les mains glacés de X avaient déjà saisi mon haut, l’avaient déchiré, et comme je n’avais pas de culotte, l’insertion de son doigt en moi fut très rapide. Il me tenait sur le lit de tout son corps. Je ne pouvais vraiment pas bouger, je ne le voulais pas non plus. Je me suis refermée, je ne me battais plus, je me suis laissée faire. Il m’a murmuré quelque chose à l’oreille, quelque chose comme « ca fait longtemps que je voulais goutter a cette petite chatte ». Quand il a réalisé que je n’étais pas vierge, il s’est énervé.
« SALOPE ! JE VAIS T’APPRENDRE A ME MENTIR !! ». Il a enlevé sa ceinture, l’a fait claquer sur tout mon corps, avant de se jeter sur moi de nouveau, écarta mes cuisses et glissa son pénis a l’intérieur de moi. Les larmes roulaient sur mes joues machinalement, mais le plus surprenant, c’était la sensation que je ressentais. J’avais déjà fait l’amour avec Greg, on a déjà même simulé des viols pour délirer un peu dans nos scénars, mais la, a ce moment précis, je pouvais sentir une certaine excitation monter, comme ci mon corps voulait ce que ma tête me disait ne pas être normal. La brutalité des gestes, la façon sèche et presque haïssante qu’il avait, quand il m’avait frappé le corps, quand il m’a mis sèchement sa bite et a commencé a me pilonner ; tout cela m’avait excité. Même dans mes fantasmes les plus crades et tordus, je n’allais jamais imaginer que cela se passerait un jour comme cela.
« Je t’aime, je ne veux pas que tu me quittes… tu es ma petite fille » il disait constamment, en pleurant mais en me malaxant fortement les seins, et faisait des vas et viens de plus en plus rapides en moi. Je ne contrôlais plus rien, et a un moment, il alla un peu plus au fond de moi comme il s’apprêtait a jouir, et je laissai échapper un petit gémissement de plaisir, ce qui l’encouragea a aller encore et encore plus vite, en caressant d’une façon brutale mon clitoris de deux doigts, et je pouvais sentir le poids de son corps sur mon bas ventre, tout cela réuni me fournissait un plaisir inexplicable, et même si les larmes sur mes joues exprimaient tres bien ma souffrance et ma désapprobation, les pulsations de mon clitoris a ce moment précis trahissaient mes envies.
« Oh je t’aime .. je t’aime .. oooh » et il expia tout ce qu’il avait de plus incestueux en lui…en moi. Sentir ce liquide chaud couler sur mes cuisses, sentir son membre se ramollir de plus en plus en moi pendant qu’il s’était étendu sur mon corps et que sa respiration ralentissait de plus en plus me donna soudainement une poussée d’énergie. Une rage, une incompréhension, tout en même temps me fis le pousser d’un geste brusque sur le coté et comme je traversais la chambre, je senti une main m’attraper les cheveux, et pour la première fois depuis qu’il avait abusé de moi, je criai de toute mes forces. Je pense bien que c’est la qu’il a vraiment réalisé ce qu’il avait fait, ou il a eu peur que je n’alerte les voisins, ou tout simplement qu’il a pris peur, mais en tout cas il a lâché prise.
J’ai couru, je ne sais pas pendant combien de temps, mais j’ai couru… dans les couloirs, arrivée a la porte, j’ai pris le manteau de ma mère pour ne pas courir complètement nue dans la rue. J’ai appelé ma mère d’une cabine, elle a a peine reconnue ma voix. Je pleurais et je n’arrivais pas a articuler grands choses.
« Maman … maman … maman… » je ne pouvais plus rien dire après cela, je suis tombée a mes genoux et j’ai fondu en sanglots dans la cabine. Je me sentais coupable tout d’un coup, comme ci j’avais trahi ma mère, comme ci le fait d’avoir ressenti du plaisir pendant que X me baisait, même contre mon gré, fut l’une des pires erreurs de ma vie.
« Allo ? Allo ma chérie, c’est toi ?? Que se passe t-il ? Allo tu m’entends… ? »
Je suis sortie de la cabine et je me suis mise a courir. Je ne suis jamais rentrée chez moi, je ne savais pas comment affronter ma mère, comment lui expliquer ce qui c’est passé, si elle allait me croire, comment je devais faire pour affronter X par la suite, tout cela me faisaient trop mal et j’ai préféré fuir. Je me sentais sale, je me dégoutais, et je ne voulais voir personne, Greg était un lointain souvenir. La première fois que j’ai passé la nuit dehors, j’ai vue des choses que je n’imaginais même pas pouvoir se passer dans la vie. J’ai vue un homme se faire tabasser sous mes yeux, j’ai vue une femme se faire arracher son sac a mains par une bande de voyous, je me suis faites chasser du trottoir par une bandes de prostitués, j’étais tellement perdue et effrayée, je me demandais bien comment j’allais survivre ces prochaines 24 heures. Je marchais comme une dératée, une Berline blanche n’arrêtait pas de me suivre, j’avais le cœur qui battait dans mes mollets.
« Je peux vous aider ? » une voix plutôt âgée mais rassurante sortie de l’arrière de la Berline comme elle arriva un peu plus a ma hauteur.
Je me suis arrêtée, j’ai regardé a l’intérieur de la Berline, un homme dans la quarantaine me fixait d’un regard qui voulait tout dire. Mon attention s’éloigna un peu plus vers l’autre bout de la ruelle, une des prostitués qui m’avait bousculé tout a l’heure s’était engagée dans une discussion violente avec l’une de ses « collègues ». Elles se giflaient, s’insultaient de tous les noms, en se roulant par terre dans une démarche désespérée de s’en prendre à l’une et l’autre. Je sentais les larmes me monter encore une fois aux yeux, mais en laissant partir un dernier soupir, je regardai l’homme dans la Berline.
« Oui… emmène moi chez toi .»
A suivre….
Les Recits Erotiques a lire aussi
Tags: inceste, prostitution, sexe, viole
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